Brian's Quotes

While out with my good friends Brian and Kristy last month, we got to talking about how Brian used to say some of the weirdest and funniest stuff ever. I quickly remembered that I used to keep track of his quotes weekly on my Yahoo! Groups page back in the day. So, I dug up the file and I'm pasting it all here for the world to see. I hope you get a kick out of them as much as I do.

Week of 06-22-2003 - "Duck vomit and foster poop make the ladies scream for me... me equals Brian."

Week of 06-29-2003 - "We'll see who is small when we get into the river... just don't look at me."

Week of 07-06-2003 - "I'm going to cereal myself."

Week of 07-13-2003 - "If you ever have an experience that involves you having to cut yourself out of your own boxer shorts in the middle of the night with a kitchen knife, then keep it to yourself and don't try to pick up girls with that story... trust me."

Week of 07-20-2003 - "All I can think of is cork whirlpool funnel."

Week of 07-27-2003 - "WOW! Look at that clown! No, wait... that's a car."

Week of 08-03-2003 - "Hey, don't touch my breasts. Milk will come out."

Week of 08-10-2003 - "I thought of a quote on the way home, but now I forgot it."

Week of 08-17-2003 - "I popped that bubble just as I farted."

Week of 08-24-2003 - "Gwaarfk!"

Week of 08-31-2003 - "I feel like peeing myself, and rocketing myself to the moon!"

Week of 09-07-2003 - "I get my second wind usually when I have to fart, then I know it's time for bed."

Week of 09-14-2003 - "I wish I could cry out of my nipple so it would save my tears some time making their way to the ground."

Week of 09-21-2003 - "I'm hanging out with my imaginary girlfriend right now. But she's boring."

Week of 09-28-2003 - "Oh yeah, I'll get you the editorial tonight."

Week of 10-25-2003 - "Snippiddy snaps! I have thoroughly eated." (Bethany and I still say this one after eating a big meal.)

Week of 10-12-2003 - "I don't know how this got here, but the genius who put it here sure is stupid."

Week of 10-19-2003 - "Are you writing down a quote? Dang it!"

Week of 10-26-2003 - "Kelli is not a girl...she's a space alien."

Week of 11-02-2003 - "I was affected by the flood; it ruined my shoes... and destroyed my crops."

Week of 11-09-2003 - "Hey, why are you guys wearing pants?"

Week of 11-16-2003 - "So, girls... you know what's cool? Glitter."

Week of 11-23-2003 - "I dunno about you guys, but my snowmen always have boobs."

Week of 11-30-2003 - "Only girls are allowed in the make-out room, unless your name is Brian and you're me."

Week of 12-07-2003 - "I may be cheap, but at least I'm worth something."

[This blank space here represents the nine months of my lack of communication with Brian due to joining the Air Force.]

Week of 09-12-2004 - "I've been able to view messages but not post, trapped in my little limbo world of heavily one-sided conversation."

Week of 09-26-2004 - "It's been a pleasure reading your entires... and by 'entires,' I actually mean 'entries'."

Week of 11-14-2004 - "According to the Fugees, my "n-word" family will rat on me?"

Week of 12-05-2004 - "We use rocket launchers and instead of holes, we use immigrants." (When talking about his new version of mini-golf.)

Week of 12-12-2004 - "Man, I just ate a burger and fries and all I have to drink is Robitussin DM."

I would love to gather some more quotes from Brian, but I barely get to see the guy. Maybe I should start calling him once a week.